I am boat man.
On Tuesdays, I vacuum the checker carpet of the boat and on the rest El Dimo vacuums while I haul in the ropes. Never have I seen such a beautiful contraption as that which hauls in the ropes and lets them out. I just hope a tidal wave doesn't come sweep my boat away like the days of Theseus. For a boat man, I am very afraid of tidal waves. I always dream I am on a beach holding the sole palm tree desperately as the huge wave approaches. Every night this same dream. So in the morning when I wake up and see the sea flat I'm so grateful that I'm willing to spend the rest of my life on that wonderful flat sea. Never has it been said that I am not a man of the sea, but then, I don't tell no one, not even El Dimo of my fear of the huge wave, the Green Roller I call it. Oh yes, I've seen it all on that boat. Why just yesterday I saw a grown man go crazy. He leapt from seat to seat yelling "Madeline, Madeline, Johny won't leave you. Madeline, Madeline, Johny is soft lace on your body." It took me, El Dimo, and two cooks to wrestle him to the ground, then he curled up like a baby and tried to suck his own penis. We locked him in the closet for the rest of the boat ride but heard squishing sucking noised that no-one liked, not even El Dimo who usually likes sexual noised. What could we do? Who would go in the closet except Crazy Eddies to say, " STOP those sucking noises?"